Welcome to Say Nothing, the podcast bringing you a revised serialisation of a novel I wrote and self-published a decade ago. This is the sixteenth chapter of the story and has been recorded using AI and Speechify software.
You can purchase a full copy of the original novel at https://amzn.to/4gAEwnB.
***
CHAPTER 16
The dryness of her mouth made talking all but impossible. Waking up and seeing others around her, there was a moment when she felt like an exotic animal being viewed by puzzled voyeurs for the first time. It was not a feeling she craved, and the concerned look in the eyes of Owen and Eloise made her feel altogether more self-conscious. It was with great effort that she managed to speak, spluttering but a few words through the arid, coarse environment that was her throat. “Wh… what’s going on?”
“Hey sweetheart,” said Owen soothingly. His voice filled Sarah with a warmth that radiated through every sinew of her being. “How are you feeling?”
Eloise leaned in towards her friend, gently pushing her hair back from her forehead. “Hey, you. You gave us quite a scare.”
“What do you mean? What’s happened?” Fear suddenly gripped her when the realisation of her situation set in. The reason behind the harsh white light, disparate array of sounds, and olfactory assault was now clear. She quickly reached down beneath the sheets and grabbed her stomach. “The baby,” she proclaimed, looking deep into Owen’s eyes. “What’s happened? Is… is it ok?”
“Sssh,” he replied, grabbing at her hand beneath the sheet in an effort to calm her. Just as he did so, a shot of pain in her stomach caused her to cry out.
“Someone tell me what’s happened.”
“It’s ok, it’s ok,” began Owen. “There was a little accident last night, but it’s going to be ok.”
Sarah was now fully alert, any trace of tiredness expelled from her body thanks to the last shooting pain. “What accident?”
Unable to skirt around the issue, Eloise stepped in to explain. “Sarah, they think you’ve suffered something called a placental abruption.” The look on the patient’s face made it clear that these words meant nothing to her. “Quite simply, something has caused the lining of the placenta to separate from the uterus. Hence the pain and the bleeding. The doctor has been waiting for you to wake up so they can carry out an ultrasound.”
A silence fell on the room. Owen looked towards Eloise, impressed at her simple explanation of what had happened. The elephant in the room, however, remained the fate of the unborn child. For longer than was comfortable, no-one wanted to address the situation. It was left to Eloise to break the silence.
“We don’t yet know about the baby,” she continued. “Until they’ve done the ultrasound, we won’t know precisely what we’re dealing with.” As she spoke, her eyes took on a glassy appearance as tears welled in her eyes. Looking down on her friend, she could see that shock had frozen her still. Eloise needed to regain her composure, and was keen to determine the precise situation as soon as possible. “I’ll go and find the doctor and see if we can get this moving. It’s going to be ok, I promise.”
As she left the room, Sarah’s gaze remained fixed on a solitary point. “I can’t feel the baby,” she whispered, almost inaudibly. Owen was unable to catch what his wife had said. He leaned in and tried to break her gaze.
“Pardon, sweetheart?”
Finally, she turned and looked at him. With a look of resignation, and a voice carrying a heavy exhalation of breath, she repeated, “I can’t feel the baby. I can’t feel the baby. Inside me. I can’t feel the baby.” Her voice began to rise in volume and pace, frenetic in its delivery. Owen could do nothing but take her in his arms. He squeezed tightly, his arms wrapped fully around her at chest height. With all his might, he fought back tears of his own, trying to maintain his composure in support of his wife. He moved his hand to the back of her head and started to stroke her hair. Sarah’s tears continued to flow, soaking the shoulder on which she rested.
“It’ll be ok,” he whispered. “Everything will be ok.”
***
Everything will be ok, he said to himself. Everything will be ok. As he sat, head bowed, hands bound, he had nothing left but to keep reassuring himself. The industrial noise continued and the darkness kept his senses on edge. He would be no use for anything, he thought.
Hunger was no longer his enemy; his stomach had since stopped churning and was now assaulting the rest of his body in its search for nutrition. Dehydration, meanwhile, was causing him insufferable amounts of pain, his head heavy with the feeling of water, and the pain in his eyes like thumbs boring into his skull. Everything will be ok.
***
Eloise sat in the waiting area as the Swiss doctor took the couple for the ultrasound. As much as she wanted to be there for both Sarah and Owen, this was a moment they needed to be alone. There was nothing to read in the waiting room, and no other patients with which to interact. Instead, she sat alone. She noted how the low-backed chair was hard and uncomfortable, suited more to a prison than to the inside of a hospital. Weighed down with tiredness from the ordeal of the morning, she knew her mood was becoming more and more irritable. As she sat in silence, she tilted her head back and looked directly up at the ceiling, counting the minutes until Owen would reappear and update her on the status of both Sarah and the baby. There was nothing she could do but wait.
A few metres down the corridor, the couple were being talked through the ultrasound. They had become familiar with the process over the course of the pregnancy, but the Swiss doctor was at pains to stress precisely what they would be looking for.
“I appreciate the difficulty of the situation,” he said. “But we’re going to be looking for an abruption - a separation from the placenta - and also check the health of your baby.”
Sarah - now calm - interjected, “I can’t feel my baby. Is it…”
“No, no. Not at all,” he assured her. “You’re probably feeling the effects of the painkilling injection you had earlier, hence the lack of much feeling at all. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong at this moment.” As he finished speaking, he began coating Sarah’s stomach with gel and started to run the transducer across her. “We normally have our nurses carry out our ultrasound, but I wanted to do this myself.” His voice - and the distinctive accent - had a calmness that would put even the most fearful patient at ease. “There… do you see?” He pointed at the image on the screen, an area which Owen found impossible to discern from anything else. “This here is a blood clot behind the placenta. What this means is the amount of oxygen your baby is getting could be compromised. In this instance, the clot is relatively minor, and the bleeding stopped some time ago. As I said earlier, if the bleeding had continued at the rate it began, you would be looking at a transfusion. Fortunately, since it stopped of its own accord, the risk to you is only negligible.”
“But what about the baby,” asked Owen, impatiently. “Is the baby ok?”
“Again, I’m glad to say there’s good news. The heartbeat is strong, and it doesn’t seem to be in distress.”
The muscles in both Owen and Sarah were able to relax at last. The tension of the past few hours had been unbearable.
“But,” the Swiss doctor continued. “It may be a case that we need to induce labour sooner rather than later. We would like to keep you in for the next 24 hours at least, just to monitor the situation and to ensure that everything is ok.”
Any sense of relief that had descended on the couple was usurped by new emotions; fear and anticipation. In the eight months leading to this moment, the two had done all they could to prepare for the birth of their child. They’d attended the classes together, read books, even sat through countless DVDs in order to become accustomed with what to expect. In this single moment, however, all that preparation counted for nothing. This was real, and it was going to happen soon. Owen felt his wife’s hand grip his own tightly.
“Ok,” she said, turning to face her husband. “Do you think you could nip home and pick up a few things. Clothes and books. Things like that?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll fetch Ellie when you’re back on the ward and then head out.”
As the doctor wiped her stomach clean and called for a porter, he offered further words of encouragement to the couple. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Keeping you here is just a precaution. Even if we have to deliver the baby today, everything will be ok.”
It seemed to take an eternity. As she sat alone waiting for Owen and Sarah to reappear, Eloise thought back to the day the doctor confirmed the worst. She still dreams of the appointment and how the clock in the waiting room had appeared to be ticking doubly loud and at half speed; how her grip on Alain’s hand had caused him to admonish her before going in; and how, as the doctor slowly removed his rimless glasses, she knew before he spoke the news that was going to be delivered.
The pain that she felt knowing she would never experience childbirth, nor be able to bring another life into the world weighed heavily on her for months. What had she done to deserve this as a punishment? Throughout her entire life she had sought to do the best for all and everyone, upholding the morals she was raised with and never taking for granted any element of her existence. Yet here she was, in the prime of her life with a loving partner, and she was dealt a magnificent blow. She had long-since discarded the notions of religion in her life, and any trace of conversion was lost in those very moments. Now, as she waited for news on the mortality of her best friend’s child, the feelings of loss and helplessness she experienced that day had returned. The battery on her phone had died hours before, but she longed to hear the voice of Alain. She closed her eyes.
“Eloise? Eloise, is that you?”
It wasn’t the voice she’d been hoping for or expecting. There was no sense of Gallic charm, but instead the proper, considered delivery of southern England. She tipped her head to the side and focused her stare on the man slowly striding towards her. It was a face she’d known in her youth, but had long-since become a stranger.
“Oh my god,” she couldn’t help but blurt out in shock. “Jack? You… you came?” She quickly jumped to her feet and corrected her clothes which, due to the early-morning rush and the hospital wait, had left her looking tired and dishevelled. As he walked, she suddenly felt like a child once more, seeing the father of her best friend coming towards her. The presence of a paternal figure brought comfort and relief. Tears formed in her eyes once more.
“How are you? How’s Sarah? Can I see her?” Jack was taken aback when the arms of Eloise found themselves wrapped around his neck. She held him so tightly, the air in his lungs felt trapped.
“I can’t believe you came,” she said. “This is just incredible.”
“It’s… erm… good to see you too,” he replied, just able to muster enough breath to speak. This was not the welcome he’d been expecting, but it put his mind at ease. “So, what’s happening? Can you bring me up to speed?”
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