Welcome to Say Nothing, the podcast bringing you a revised serialisation of a novel I wrote and self-published a decade ago. This is the fourteenth chapter of the story and has been recorded using AI and Speechify software.
You can purchase a full copy of the original novel at https://amzn.to/4gAEwnB.
***
CHAPTER 14
As the waves crashed against the shore, depositing a glistening veneer on the rocks before withdrawing into the sea, he felt a sense of serenity as pure as a child’s innocence. He noted how the repetition of sound elicited a calm as soothing as any lullaby, and closed his eyes to further the sense of wonder evoked by the boundless beauty of the coast. If these were his last moments on Earth, he thought, there could be no finer denouement.
When his phone rang, he couldn’t help but consider discarding it into the sea. The disparity between the beauty of this natural vista and the ridiculous, trivial realities of life had left him disillusioned. For all the worldly possessions that keep us tied down, not one could offer the same invigoration as a cool sea breeze, the tender kiss of falling rain, or the rejuvenating quality of a glorious sunrise. But he could ignore the disturbance no more.
Looking down at the face of his phone, a pang of insecurity rushed over him. It was always the same when an incoming call had no identity. Try as he might to become comfortable speaking on a telephone, he’d never managed to shake the desire to look someone in the eye when speaking to them. When he had no idea how they looked at all - in the case of an unknown caller - he was often keen to simply ignore and save himself the discomfort. This time, however, his insecurity was over not taking the call.
“Hello?”
“Oh hi. Is that Jack?” The voice at the other end of the line had a trace of familiarity, but he couldn’t put his finger on where from. Perhaps the sound of the coast was distorting his hearing and added extra distortion to the call, he thought.
“This is Jack. Who’s this?”
“Hi Jack. This is Eloise. Eloise Baudin.” Of course, Jack thought. He’d not heard that voice since it belonged to the shy teenager who used to visit the house everyday. For a moment he felt a sense of elation at such a memory, before quickly being struck by the realisation that the call was, of course, going to be about Sarah. His mind began to race: was she regretting calling him back? Had she asked Eloise to play the bad guy and tell him to disappear once more? Had any chance of reconciliation been destroyed? Each possibility felt daunting to him and his heart began to beat hard and fast.
Jack made the best effort to sound calm and confident. “Ellie? My word. How, how are you? Is… is everything ok?”
“Trust me, this is weird for me too,” she began. “But I needed to call you. It’s about Sarah.” Of course it was about Sarah. “She’s been rushed into hospital and, well, I just thought you should know.”
“Hospital? W… what’s wrong? What happened?” His voice was filled with panic and he hurried - best he could - back to the car. The serenity brought by the coast was replaced in an instant.
“She... er… she had to be rushed in last night. It’s something to do with the baby. She’s been out cold for a while now, but Owen and me are with her.”
“Which hospital?”
“Bichat-Claude Bernard. Look, I just thought, since you two had finally started talking again, that you should be told.”
“Thank you, Ellie. I appreciate it.” His hands were shaking furiously. Over the years, he told himself how much he would regret losing Sarah permanently should anything happen, much like how his first and last thought of each day was of losing Judy. He wouldn’t - he couldn’t - let that happen again. “Tell Sarah - and Owen - I’m going to try and get there.”
“Jack, I don’t know if…” began Eloise, only to be cut off. With the battery on her mobile dead, she had been using a pay phone and was out of money. “Merde,” she said aloud.
As he drove home, Jack could feel the adrenaline surging through his body. What began as a morning journey to the coast to clear his head ended in the news that he may lose the most important person left in his life. He couldn’t help but imagine the worst, and his eyes began to moisten and vision glaze. It had been a long time since Jack had cried, but today was different; today, everything he’d put his family through over the years - the coldness, absence and neglect - was magnified. He felt selfish at making the situation about him; what he would lose, what he had done. But it was all he could do.
By the time he arrived home, the tears that had been streaming down his face had left a dry river on his cheeks. Such was his strength of character, the twenty-minute drive had witnessed Jack finally break, only to find his resolve and continue with composure. And now, here he was, racing into the house to pack up a basic selection of needs in order to head to Paris and his daughter.
For weeks, every action had been a struggle. Yet now, with Sarah in need, his focus and determination seemed capable of temporarily conquering his own problems. He still continued to move at a pace far slower than at his peak, and the stiffness of his body proved a hindrance as he tried to rush together a suitcase, but it was as though he was a battle-weary veteran tempted into action one last time; though his body was not what it once was, his courage and determination remained.
It took less than half-an-hour for Jack to gather everything he needed: clothes, passport and, of course, his medication. In another thirty minutes he would be sat at the train station waiting for the Eurostar to transport him across the Channel. It was the first time he’d visited Paris, and had no idea of where he would be heading. He hoped for the world that he would get there in time to see Sarah. It may have been a few years too late, but the compassion he felt as he sat on the bench was enough to make his eyes well up once more.
***
“What the hell did you do that for?” Though his voice was hushed so as not to wake his wife, the anger was more than apparent; Owen was raging at Eloise after she admitted calling Jack in England. “For fuck’s sake, Ellie. Do you really think this is what Sarah really needs?”
“I thought he should know,” whispered Eloise, boldly. “I knew Jack back when I was a teenager - she’s his daughter. You’d want to know if you were in that position, wouldn’t you?”
It was impossible for Owen to argue this point, but his anger with Eloise was going nowhere. He turned back to Sarah and stroked her forehead. They’d been with her for nearly five hours, and she’d done nothing but sleep in that time. The quantity of blood had astounded Owen, and her pale complexion made it clear that she would be going nowhere anytime soon.
“I’m going to check with the nurse again,” Eloise said. “See when the ultrasound might happen.” There was no acknowledgement from Owen. Instead, she was left to quietly exit the room and make her way to the nurse’s station. No-one around.
As she waited for the nurse to return, she had time to consider all manner of outcomes for this situation, but could only maintain focus on the most irrational of them all. While it was but a faint possibility, there was the chance she could lose her best friend, and that was an outcome that scared her more than anything. While she had Alain, the thought of being without Sarah caused her stomach to tie in knots. A burning sense of nausea became apparent in her throat, and she had to cover her mouth for fear of vomiting in the hallway of the hospital. She raced into the bathroom located opposite the station, and expelled a mouthful of yellow bile into the toilet bowl. It burnt her oesophagus and left a bitter taste in her mouth. She had never before experienced anxiety so great that it triggered a physical reaction. Slumped over the toilet, there was nothing left to do but weep. Her oldest friend was on the cusp of losing both her baby and possibly her life, and Eloise could think of nothing but her own suffering. In those moments, spitting out the yellow mucus into the bowl and sobbing at the situation, Eloise hated herself in a way she had never before known.
As she emerged from the bathroom, the Swiss doctor was leaning over the reception desk looking at the screen with the nurse. He caught a glimpse of Eloise out of the corner of his eye and corrected his stance. “Good news,” he said in the same perfect, confident English he’d used when addressing Owen. “We have a slot open in the ultrasound suite at eleven, so we’ll be ready to take your friend down then.” Eloise glanced at her watch: it read nine-fifteen.
“Shall we wake her now then,” she asked, nervously wiping her lips on her hand in fear of any trace of vomit. The taste and the burning of the throat were still there, and her paranoia was exacerbated by her tiredness.
“She’ll probably wake up of her own volition soon. In fact,” looking at his own wristwatch, “I’m surprised she hasn’t woken up yet. The codeine should’ve worn off a while ago.”
Eloise looked perplexed. “Codeine,” she said. “Is that even safe while pregnant?”
The Swiss doctor smiled. He knew this was not a questioning of his decisions, so he felt no obligation to explain; he had long since learned to ignore recommendations from patients and others without suitable training. But there was something about Eloise that compelled him to explain the situation. He began to walk away from the nurse’s station and encouraged Eloise - through eyes alone - to accompany him. “It’s true that it’s not ideal, but in exceptional circumstances, we don’t have a choice.”
“But, the baby...”
“Will be fine,” he assured her. “She - Sarah - was in so much pain, there was nothing we could do but give her a sedative. The team told us that she passed out from pain and not blood loss on the ride over here.”
“So, there’s no need to worry about any lasting effects?”
“I assure you, Miss…?”
“Baudin. Eloise, please.”
“Eloise. There’s no point worrying about the baby right now. Until we have the results from the ultrasound, all we can focus on is keeping Sarah as healthy as possible. Whatever happens, I’m confident that the baby will be fine.”
His words, while no means definitive, brought a sense of relief. She did everything she could to refrain from hugging the medic there and then, but felt a loosening of the muscles in her neck and shoulders. If nothing else, she had the opportunity to experience a moment of calm in a morning of unmitigated chaos. “Thank you,” she said, and started back to the room to tell Owen the news.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled, aware that what he’d told her was the best-possible outcome, and far from the most likely.
Share this post