Welcome to Say Nothing, the podcast bringing you a revised serialisation of a novel I wrote and self-published a decade ago. This is the nineteenth chapter of the story and has been recorded using AI and Speechify software.
You can purchase a full copy of the original novel at https://amzn.to/4gAEwnB.
***
CHAPTER 19
As the steam cleared and he tightened the soft towel around his waist, Owen ran his hand across the bathroom mirror and stared hard at the face before him. While his body felt rejuvenated from the warmth of the shower, his mind was exhausted. The past week had been unbelievable in intensity, and try as he might to find a semblance of calm among the chaos, he was unable to switch off. Sarah’s ordeal had left him questioning his plans.
Guilt was a burden too often resting upon his shoulders. He longed for nothing more than a respite from being weighed down. Over the years, he’d perfected hiding his emotions from those around him. Now, staring into his eyes in the warm bathroom, he was aware of the ravaging effects of time and guilt. His vulnerability was also clear, as the face that stared back at him seemed withered and timid.
Holding his eyes closed, he managed to finally break the gaze he held with himself, a gaze that kept him transfixed and deep in thought. Moving away from the mirror and backing out into the hallway, Owen became aware of a thrumming from the bedroom. Arriving too late to answer, he picked up his handset and saw everything he’d missed. There had been three missed calls from a withheld number, a voicemail message, and six text messages from a mobile phone contact that he failed to recognise.
In the midst of the morning’s events, there had been developments across the Channel. He didn’t need to hear the message, call back, or read the texts; with this much activity on his phone, it was obvious where the news originated. Before anything, he thought, I need to gather Sarah’s things for the hospital. If I don’t do it now, I will only forget.
Grabbing the first pieces of clothing he came across, Owen dressed himself and pulled a rucksack from the top of the wardrobe. Into it he shoved a variety of Sarah’s belongings: clothes, underwear, makeup, and a book from the bedside table. It would have to do. His intrigue and anxiety were such that he wanted to get the task completed as quickly as possible. Besides, he told himself, she’ll be home tomorrow so barely needs anything.
Bag packed, he threw himself down onto the bed and reached, once more, for his mobile phone.
Looking first at the text messages, he had a series of demands that were succinct and abrupt in calling for his attention. ‘We need to talk’, ‘Pick up’, ‘Where are you?’, ‘Call me now’. He could tell from the gruff manner of each message that they originated from Sam. Next, he listened to his voicemail. Its contents were no-more revealing than those of the texts, with an order simply to pick up or call back.
Owen lay back on the bed, his hair still wet. All he could think about was seeing Sarah in pain. He knew the importance of calling Sam, but he questioned whether he had the energy. Surely it could wait a few more hours. Get back to the hospital and sit with Sarah; deal with Sam tonight.
He sat up and looked at the messages once more. All had been sent within the last hour. Shit, Sarah’s father. How much time would be stolen dealing with that? His mind was racing and he began breathing quickly. If everything could just go away and leave him in peace, he thought, finally he could rest.
Despondent, he fell back onto the bed. As his shoulder came into contact with the mattress, the handset began to vibrate. It must be Sam. There was no option but to answer. Get this out of the way and get back to the hospital.
“Yes,” he answered impatiently. “What is it?”
Stunned by the tone of the voice at the other end of the line, Sam suddenly felt the need to be overly defensive. “Woah, is that… is that Owen?”
“Yes, Sam. Now’s not really the time.”
Sam could sense that he needed to be quick. “Ok, well it’s Dan.”
“What about him?”
“I don’t want to say too much over the phone, but his neighbour found him this morning,” he said sombrely. “But there was a note.”
“Shit.” It truly had been a day like no other, and all he could offer was that one-word obscenity. His posture changed once more, slumping lower onto the bed.
“There’s more. It was addressed to you.”
Owen’s body jolted. What could Dan possibly have left behind? Perhaps there was something in the note that would reveal his story was a fabrication, unravelling lie after lie, until there was nothing on which to build a case. Or perhaps it answered all the questions he’d hoped to ask in person. Where his mind had been nothing but confusion just seconds before, his focus was now fixed on a solitary aim: get hold of that note, and get hold of it fast.
“Can you send it to me,” he asked, already knowing what the answer would be. “No, wait. Can you get it to me any other way?”
“Not really. I could read it to y-“
“No,” he exclaimed. “Don’t open it. I’ll arrange to come fetch it. It won’t be today, but I’ll try and get on a train tomorrow.”
“Ok, let me know.” The phone went dead, and Owen just stared at the space on the floor between his feet. His source for something concrete, something real was dead, taking his own life. It wouldn’t be easy to justify heading back to London so soon after his last trip. And, with everything that’s gone on, he didn’t want to leave her. In moments like these, he longed for a friend, a brother. He longed for anyone with which to share his problems.
***
“So, is it a boy or girl,” Jack asked. Slowly, his nerves were receding, and he was able to join the conversations with Sarah and Eloise instead of simply standing beside them and observing. Having composed himself by fetching a drink of coffee, Jack had returned to the room with renewed optimism.
Sarah was wide awake, the pain having subsided and the hospital lunch providing her with added energy. The atmosphere remained unusual. As she’d become more alert and lucid, the shock of seeing her father had been overwhelming. “We don’t know.” Unwittingly her reply sounded short and curt, the difficulty of the situation affecting her delivery. “We wanted it to be a surprise, make it a bit more exciting.”
“Exciting,” laughed Eloise. “Jesus, Sarah. Hasn’t today been exciting enough? I thought he would’ve told you regardless.” She nodded her head in the direction of the Swiss doctor as he came through the door, and cast a confused look towards Jack.
“How is everything now?” asked the doctor. Eloise stood up from beside Sarah.
“Fine, thank you,” replied the patient, sipping at a glass of water.
“Excellent. Well, my shift is over, so I’ll leave you in the capable hands of my colleagues. Hopefully, we won’t be seeing you again until you’re ready to give birth.”
“Thank you, doctor,” replied Sarah.
“Yes, thank you,” added Jack, needlessly. Eloise, meanwhile, wanted to speak to the doctor before he left, so followed him from the room. It left Jack and Sarah alone for the first time in the best part of twenty years. There was a silence, broken only by the sound of Sarah trying to find comfort in the starchy, firm sheets of the hospital bed.
Jack hovered beside her. He could feel the trembling in his arms and hand grow, and forced it into his trouser pocket to try and hide it from Sarah.
“So,” she began. “How… how is everything?”
“Good, good,” he replied with a little too much eagerness. “Still, at the house, obviously.”
“Obviously. Must feel pretty empty there these days?” Jack struggled to identify the tone of voice. Was it said in spite and anger? Or in sympathy? He knew which he deserved, but hoped for the other.
“Yeah, yeah it is. Look, I really hope you didn’t mind me coming. Truth be told, when Eloise called me, I didn’t know what to do. All I could think was losing you for good. And… well… I just couldn’t do that without saying sorry. In person.”
Sarah’s eyes began to twitch, looking around the room in a manner that betrayed any confidence she tried to exude. She finally fixed her gaze on her father and admitted, “I… I’m sorry too.”
Instantly, a weight felt lifted from her body, as though the burden of carrying around years of regret and resentment had dissipated. It was liberation founded on relief. She spread out her arms and waited for an embrace. As he leaned towards his daughter, Jack had to suppress the pain in his body. As soon as his face was out of sight, he let out a grimace, swiftly followed by a tear. He had long since given up hope of being able to hold her in his arms once more. It was nothing more than the feeling of pure joy that now coursed through him. This was the happiest he had felt in a long time. And it felt right.
As her grip around him loosened and he pulled away, he could see that Sarah too had glistening trails of tears on her cheeks.
Behind him, Eloise stood and watched, a knowing smile sitting proudly on her thin lips. She could never have imagined that the day would end this way. After placing the call to Jack earlier in the morning, she expected that he may have ventured to Paris; but seeing the two embrace was a vision of beauty. There was only one person missing from the scene, and he was trapped in torment.
Share this post